It’s Not Just About Who You’re Sleeping With (BBC Sherlock)

[starfishstar]

IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT WHO YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH

Fandom: BBC Sherlock

Summary: Molly has something to say about men who love each other. It’s hard to tell if Sherlock’s listening.

Characters: Molly Hooper, Sherlock Holmes

Words: 1,350

Notes: A little character moment for Sherlock and Molly, inspired by this thoughtful meta by professorfangirl – the post as a whole is a reaction to the concept of a “Johnlock Conspiracy,” but the part I’m referencing in particular is the last three paragraphs, where she talks about what a shame it is to reduce something as complex as human love down to dichotomies such as romantic vs. platonic.

Thank you to stereolightning for beta reading, and to lizeckhart (professorfangirl) for the inspiration!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sherlock’s head of riotous dark curls was bent over a microscope he’d commandeered, as usual, in the lab at Bart’s. The hunched set of his shoulders was clearly trying to communicate that he was very busy with very important things and not to be disturbed. But he was distracted, Molly could tell.

“Sherlock, are you okay?” she asked, and then could have kicked herself. Right, like Sherlock Holmes was ever going to answer a question like that.

Sherlock didn’t even bother to look up. “Busy, Molly,” he drawled, in that rich baritone that still made her go a little wobbly-kneed, no matter how much she really, really wished it didn’t.

“It’s just –” Molly continued, because apparently this was going to be one of those times when she couldn’t stop talking even if she wanted to, “I know John’s getting married really soon, and I know that must be a bit strange, right? I mean, Mary’s lovely, she’s really lovely, but it still makes things different for you, because it used to be just you and John, but now it’s you and John and – right. No, I’ll stop talking. Sorry. Sorry.” Her hands were twisting in front of her, and with a great effort she made them stop.

Sherlock’s head swivelled and his icy eyes pierced her. “Molly Hooper, what are you drivelling on about?”

Molly bit her lip. “Nothing. Nothing. Just – I had some friends like that? At uni?”

Great, and now she was talking in questions. Molly took a steadying breath and reminded herself that it didn’t matter. Sherlock was going to think she was an idiot regardless, so it didn’t matter what she said. And this, actually, was a thing she very much wanted to say to him.

“These two blokes, I mean, who were friends of mine,” she pushed on, determinedly relaxing her hands and dropping them to her sides. “They were best friends, completely inseparable. It was like they both always had to be involved in everything the other one did. We used to joke about them, we called them ‘life partners’ because you could imagine them staying like that, that close, for the rest of their lives, though not in a – I mean, they were both straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with – but anyway.”

Breathe, Molly.

“And they’re both married now, I think, but I know they still love each other. That’s my point, really. There are a lot of ways to love someone, and they’re not – they’re not mutually exclusive. Having one kind doesn’t make another kind stop existing.”

Sherlock was still staring at her like she was speaking an alien language. Which, to him, Molly supposed, she was. When did Sherlock Holmes ever use the word “love,” except to describe a weakness of lesser mortals, one to which he prided himself on being immune?

She struggled to find other words to express what she meant. But what came out was, “It’s not just about who you’re sleeping with!”

Sherlock blinked, twice, in rapid succession. At least she had his attention, then.

Molly bit her lip.

“I think, it’s just –” she began. “We’re always hearing that there’s only one relationship that matters, you know? Find The One, marry them, the end. But I love lots of people. I love my mum, and I loved my dad before he died – I still love him, actually – and I love my cat and I love my friends, and I don’t stop loving them just because I start dating someone. In fact, I usually love my friends more than the person I’m dating, although, wait, maybe that’s not really my point… But, what I’m trying to say is, I’ve got a best friend I’ve known since primary school, and she might actually be the most important person in the world to me. And that doesn’t have to change unless we decide it does.”

She bit her lip again, then kept biting it, so that there might actually be a chance she would stop talking now.

“You think I love John,” Sherlock said. His voice seemed to have dropped an additional octave, and Molly shivered. He was scanning her with those alien eyes, like there was some hidden aspect of her he hadn’t deduced yet, and he was puzzled as to how he’d managed to miss it. Molly planted her feet more firmly and forced herself to keep looking at him. Sherlock didn’t break eye contact for a moment. “Why do you think I love John?”

“Why do you think you don’t?” Molly retorted. “I mean, I’m not saying you want to…to kiss him. Or maybe you do, I don’t know. But you look at him like everything else revolves around him. And that’s…that’s okay. It’s really beautiful, actually. I – I saw. When you thought you were going to die, all that time you were making those plans and preparing everything, all you could think about was John.” Her voice wobbled, and she steadied it. “And you can call it whatever you choose, of course, but if that’s not – if that’s not love, Sherlock, then I don’t know what is.”

She’d ended up staring at her feet, somehow, so she made herself lift her head again and meet Sherlock’s eyes. They bored into her, like he could see not just all the way through her, but through everything that stood behind her as well, her whole life, her parents’ lives, everything that had come together to make her, Molly Hooper, going all the way back through time.

This was what it was like to have Sherlock’s full attention, she thought. Followed in short order by, If this is what it’s like, then there are no words for how brave John Watson is.

“Interesting,” Sherlock rumbled, his eyes still drilling into Molly.

“I know you think I’m utterly daft now,” Molly said, compelling her voice to sound brave. “Well, even more so than before, anyway. But I just wanted to say. That there’s more than one kind of love, or – or, affection, or whatever you want to call it. And I’m going to go now. I’ll go get some coffee, or something, and I’ll let you get on with your work.”

Sherlock blinked once, his eyelids lowering in strangely slow motion, then he returned to staring at her. Molly wondered, if there were aliens – which of course there weren’t, but if there were – then if this was maybe what it would feel like when they scanned your brain.

“You offer an interesting perspective,” Sherlock said, his voice like a case study in how to speak in a perfectly neutral tone. “Enjoy your…” – he seemed to search for the right term – “coffee break.”

Now it was Molly who blinked at him. “Um. Thanks.”

Right. She would get herself a coffee, and she would be leisurely about drinking it, and maybe by the time she returned to the lab Sherlock would have disappeared again, like the slightly magical apparition he was.

She ducked her head and shuffled towards the door, focusing on getting out of the room with a minimum of further embarrassment, as behind her Sherlock returned to being very busy with very important things.

But a couple paces short of the door, Molly stopped and glanced back at him. His shoulders and neck made one taut line, where he bent over the microscope. But where before he’d looked imposing, in his beautiful suit and his air of haughty brilliance, now the sight of him tugged at Molly’s heart. Adrift there at his microscope in the otherwise empty lab, he looked somehow very young. Molly wondered suddenly what he’d been like as a child, if he’d ever let his mother kiss and cuddle him, or if he’d sprung into the world fully formed, already disdainful of the foibles of the less perfect mortals around him. It took her breath away, thinking how lucky Sherlock was to have found John. Whatever it was that they were to each other.

Molly watched Sherlock a moment longer, then slipped silently out into the corridor, the lab door swinging shut behind her.

Comments

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Love this. I haven't been following the Sherlock meta, but I can guess what sorts of things are under discussion. ;) Anyway, this is marvelously in character even as Molly steps out of her shell and takes a risk. I hope Sherlock appreciates how hard it was for her to say all that, and what it means that she went out on that limb for him. And...maybe, in his way, he does.

Favorite bits were Molly talking herself into keeping going, because Sherlock already thinks she's daft anyway, heh. She may think John is brave -- but she's pretty brave, herself.

(Will get caught up on Lantern soon! Also rt_morelove posts. Where does the time go??)

[starfishstar]

Thank you, so glad you enjoyed it! And I'm so glad it seems in character. I don't read a lot of Sherlock meta, but this one stood out to me, for its nuanced take. And it ended up making for such a fun opportunity to write from Molly's perspective!

[huldrejenta.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful!

I haven't really read a lot of the discussion about a Johnlock conspiracy, and in general, I have rather mixed feelings about the whole John/Sherlock pairing. I somehow like the idea, or rather the hints that it could be something there, but I do tend to see Sherlock as... maybe not asexual, but as someone who's got more important issues on his mind. Seeing him in a romantic relationship, whoever with, would in some way get in the way of the Sherlock I love, if that makes any sense.

And I love what you've done here, the way it's not important to define the nature of their relationship - I mean, I’m not saying you want to…to kiss him. Or maybe you do, I don’t know.
And I love how one type of relationship is just as important and meaningful as another.

On a side note, this is in a way parts of what attracts me to Remus/Sirius as well. I do, obviously, love them together romatically, and I don't feel the way that I've seen around the place to explain why people aren't into R/S, that it somehow makes their friendship less valuable, implying that isn't enough - I don't think a friendship is more "worthy" than a romantic/sexual relationship. But - the fact that R&S are close friends and have been since they were children, makes their relationship (in whatever way you want to see it) so meaningful to them, and in a way, it doesn't matter all that much if it's one thing or the other.

And that's something I love about Sherlock and John as well.
Love Molly's perspective here (and I also feel for her), you've made her voice and her insight very believable and beautiful.

Sorry for the rambling comment :)

[starfishstar]

You know, I love reading Sherlock/John stories – that's one of the main types of fanfic I've read for the last while – but in a sense it does always feel slightly "AU" to me...for better or worse, I don't see the show itself going there. Which is why I loved professorfangirl's take on it so much – that hey, maybe canon Sherlock *does* love John – just maybe not precisely in the way we're thinking. And that it's just as beautiful either way. (This story isn't an attempt to take a position on the idea of a romantic/sexual subtext in Sherlock canon, though – it really is just an exploration of this idea that all forms of love are valuable!)

And as for what you said about Remus/Sirius, this isn't a complaint about that pairing in particular (which I also love, as you know!) but actually, I can understand why people might have the complaint you described – that's something that frustrates me about fanfic in general, sometimes, that there's SO much focus on sexual and romantic pairings, that if two characters care about each other in any way in canon, in fanfic it immediately gets pushed further, into romantic and sexual territory, as if that were the only important or interesting way for two people to have a close connection... It's not that I think romantic relationships aren't important – they certainly are, or we as a species wouldn't talk and read and write about them all the time! – but it's frustrating when it feels like those are the *only* relationships the fanfic world is interested in talking about. I'm also really, really interested in friendships, and family relationships, and I want to explore those, too. So, for example, I'm equally interested in Sirius and Remus as friends, and in exploring how important that relationship is to them even though (gasp!) there's no sex involved. ;-)

Anyway, hence a Sherlock and John who love each other, potentially in any of a variety of ways we might choose to read into it, and (as John himself says) "it's all fine." :-)

ETA: Heh, and I didn't even say: Thank you! And I'm glad you liked it!

[huldrejenta.livejournal.com]

I agree with pretty much everything you're saying here :)

I like a lot of John/Sherlock stories too, although I'm not shipping them whole-heartedly, in a way. I love it when it's just hinted at, or the way you've done it here - when it's not the point to define what kind of relationship they have. They've got a strong bond, and either way it's an important one. And, I do see Sherlock as someone who might not be asexual, but far more preoccupied with other things :)


I would also be very surprised if the show takes the "Johnlock" route.

About R/S - I don't think we feel very differently, I absolutely love them as friends as well - their relationship and their story is an interesting and moving one no matter what label one gives it <3 And I think a lot of R/S shippers feel that way. If one takes a look at the stories posted at R/S Games etc, quite a lot of them (most) have a focus on other sides to them than sex. I love stories about them as friends, and I love stories about them as lovers.

I think it's perfectly okay to find things in books or TV series etc that the creators didn't intend, romantic pairings being one of them, and that a lot of those ships are M/M. I appreciate that a lot of people in fandom feel more comfortable exploring different sides to sexual relationships, dynamic and so on in an M/M relationship than a het relationship, since you avoid the background history of the traditional (patriarcal) view of gender patterns (or even the stereotypical roles in pornography).
But that said - I absolutely agree with you that it can be frustrating when everything is interpreted in that direction (or a romantic or sexual direction in general) and all the other super interesting aspects of human interaction don't get a lot of attention. (And on a related note, it annoys me a bit when prompt lists on certain fests are full of prompts that tbh would fit better in a kink fest, imo... Not that I have a problem with kink fic, but, yeah, not all the time!)

[starfishstar]

Yes, wholeheartedly agreed, it's perfectly fine (more than fine!) to read things into published works beyond what the author(s) intended – and I LOVE that fandom is a space where a voice is (finally!) given to groups that STILL tend to be mostly marginalized in mainstream media works, whether it's gay relationships, minority characters, non-gender-binary characters, or whatever else. I love so hard that fandom is a safe space for all of this. (I do wish there were just as much femmeslash as slash in the world...but I suppose that's a conversation for another day) ;-)

[huldrejenta.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes and yes :D

[starfishstar]

:-)

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

(I do wish there were just as much femmeslash as slash in the world...but I suppose that's a conversation for another day) ;-)

YES.

If we're having wishes, can I also add an end to female authors repeatedly excluding all female characters from their writing while concentrating solely on the male ones. Talk about not helping ourselves. :/

[starfishstar]

Yes – though I think I can understand it a bit in the context of fanfic, in cases where the source material has mostly male characters/all the main characters are male – you want to write about the characters that are the most interesting and complex, and unfortunately too often the balance in the source text/show/whatever is terribly skewed... But that's all the more reason to also write original works with a good balance of characters. And write fics with female OCs! And with cool female characters when possible! :-)

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Ah, I like a good love story! But then I also like a good friendship story (frequently even more), and share the frustration that the ability to ask What if? about almost anything, which fanfic gives us, so often leads directly to romance and sex and doesn't even try to go anywhere else. Which seems to me, sometimes at least, rather too predictable and a little bit sad... Especially when you have fascinating, powerful friendships to consider, such as the Trio, the Marauders, and here, with Sherlock and John. And with love and loyalty in there as well to explore.

I love your Molly here, much like I love the character on screen. You've captured her hesitant, long-winded and half-embarrassed way of getting to the point; the way Sherlock can tie her up in knots without even a word. But get to the point she does, and it's an important one, too. One Sherlock is probably oddly reassured to hear, though he'd never admit that to another soul. I like Molly's musing about Sherlock as a child as well, and her thinking of him as a 'slightly magical apparition'. Too true!

[starfishstar]

Yes, exactly! Nothing wrong with a good old romantic love story, but I like hearing about other kinds of love, too. And I especially like Liz's idea of a friendship that can transcend those definitions, and be romantic OR not, and be just as powerful either way. Oh, man, I'm such a romantic, but apparently I'm a "romantic" about friendships, if that makes any sense!

And Molly's POV was really fun to write... Such a strong character, in her quiet and timid-seeming way!