An Unexpected Hemiparasite (Torchwood)

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AN UNEXPECTED HEMIPARASITE

Summary: Is it a nefarious invasion…or just a normal day at the Hub?

Characters: whole team (Tosh, Gwen, Owen, Ianto, Jack, and a Myfawny cameo), with a bit of Jack/Ianto

Words: 1,600

Rating: G

Notes: Written for Torchwood Fest (for which specific prompt will quickly become clear) and for the suggestion of “the conclusion of a year into a hopeful New Year.”

Read on AO3, or here below:

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“Don’t even think about it,” Gwen said, without looking up from her keyboard or pausing her furious typing.

“As if I would,” Owen scoffed. “You think I care about some stupid decoration and the stupid tradition that goes with it?”

“It’s not about whether you care about it,” Tosh put in mildly. She was standing in the middle of the Hub, gazing up at the unexpected object that now dangled from the underside of one of the catwalks. “It’s about what it might do to you.”

Evidently intrigued despite himself, Owen went and stood next to Tosh and craned his neck up as well. “Why, what do you think it—”

“Oh.” Ianto had just emerged from making the first of the morning’s coffees, bearing a mug in each hand. But he stopped short and followed Tosh and Owen’s gaze. “Huh. That wasn’t here last night, when we—” He broke off, face flushing, and muttered, “Never mind.”

“Oh, God, don’t tell us about whatever depraved things you and Jack get up to in here after the rest of us leave,” Owen moaned.

“Wasn’t planning to,” Ianto said, though he was blushing more distinctly now. “I’m only saying, that wasn’t here last night.”

Ianto handed Tosh her coffee and she smiled at him in thanks. Then he gave Owen his mug with a polite Ianto non-smile; Owen grimaced back at him.

“Have to make Gwen’s coffee now,” Ianto mumbled, and fled back the way he’d come.

“But, come on,” Owen said to Gwen and Tosh. “It’s only—”

“Is it, though?” Gwen demanded. She pushed her rolling chair back from her desk and crossed her arms, as she leant back and looked up as well.

“It’s just some mistletoe!” Owen insisted.

“Think about it,” Gwen countered. “Yes, it could be mistletoe. It certainly looks like mistletoe. But this is Torchwood, Owen! What are the chances that it actually is mistletoe, versus the chances that it’s, I don’t know, a Trojan horse object from several centuries in the future, or an alien species that’s watching and recording us even as we speak?”

“Well, did you at least scan it?” Owen demanded, throwing his hands in the air. “I don’t understand why we’re standing here talking about this.”

“Yes, I scanned it,” Tosh said. She crossed to her desk and picked up one of several handheld scanners that lay there. “With this, as well as a couple of the others. And Gwen is running a diagnostic now.” She nodded towards Gwen’s computer screen, which continued to scroll past with a long series of numbers. “We haven’t turned up anything so far, but…”

“But,” Gwen agreed. “Maybe we just haven’t found the right frequency yet. We can’t rule anything out, not until we know where it came from.”

Ianto returned then, with another two mugs of coffee and his usual unflappable expression back in place. He went to Gwen and set one of the coffees on her desk, holding onto the other for himself.

“Thanks, love,” Gwen said, smiling up at him. She rolled her chair closer to her desk again and picked up her coffee. “So, Ianto, you don’t know what this is, either?” She lifted her chin at the object of their collective attention, where it dangled unobtrusively from the metal grid of the catwalk.

“No,” Ianto admitted. It clearly pained him to confess ignorance to any aspect of the Hub’s workings. He stared up at the bundle of narrow green leaves with its clusters of small, round berries. “Either Jack slipped out at some point and brought it in, or else…” He trailed off, clearly not liking the alternative possibilities any more than the rest of them did.

“Where is Jack, anyway?” Gwen wondered.

They all looked to Ianto.

“I don’t know!” he protested. “You know he doesn’t need as much sleep as the rest of us. Sometimes he just…wanders off.”

“He’s probably standing moodily on top of a building somewhere,” Owen snorted.

Ianto tried to look disapproving, but within moments he could no longer maintain his stern expression. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Probably he is.”

All four of them shared a wry smile: at Jack’s eccentricities, and at themselves for how they adored him despite all of it.

Owen said, “Okay, so, we’ve established that it’s either something Jack did for some obscure reason, or it’s a possibly hostile invasion. Does that count as progress?”

“Not really,” Gwen admitted, setting her coffee on her desk and giving her computer screen a glance. “I suppose we’ll have to wait until—”

They all looked up at the sound of the Hub door rolling open.

“Hey, kids.” Jack paused dramatically, framed by the round opening of the cogwheel door. His coat somehow gave the impression of billowing, even though he was indoors and away from any wind. “What’s up?”

“Jack,” Gwen demanded. “Do you know how this got here?” She stood from her chair and pointed up at the mistletoe.

“That?” Jack asked, shucking his coat by the door and striding into the Hub. His face made a variety of concerned expressions as he came to stand directly under the offending object. Instinctively, they all drew closer to him, peering up as he did. “That… Why, that is…”

Jack spun on his heels, grabbed a startled Owen round the waist and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek.

“Gah!” Owen protested, tugging free of Jack’s grip.

Jack only grinned at him, delighted with himself. “It’s mistletoe and you’re all standing right under it!” He swept Tosh into his arms as if they were about to ballroom dance, leaning her down into an extravagant dip as Tosh shrieked with surprise and laughter. Jack lifted her up and set her gently back on her feet, then pressed a kiss to her temple. Tosh gave a very un-Tosh-like giggle.

“Gwen!” Jack cried next. “My chickadee, my nightingale. Come to me.”

Gwen, wide-eyed, stepped towards him. Jack clasped her tenderly and hummed a few bars of a waltz, revolving them in a slow circle. He gave Gwen a gentle kiss on the cheek, then let her go.

Finally Jack said, his voice gone husky, “Ianto.”

“Uh-oh,” Owen said, taking a step further back.

“Erm,” Gwen agreed, blushing furiously. Tosh slipped an arm round Gwen’s waist and the two of them stepped back as well.

But Jack simply stepped close to Ianto, who dazedly reached out to set his coffee on Gwen’s desk, out of harm’s way. Jack cupped one hand to Ianto’s jaw and leant in until his lips met Ianto’s. It was so quiet now, they could all hear each other’s breathing.

“Happy almost New Year,” Jack murmured, his lips against Ianto’s. “Let’s make it a good one, hm?”

Ianto, eyes closed, nodded, his mouth still pressed to Jack’s. Jack ran his hand down the full length of Ianto’s jaw, then stepped away.

“Well?” Jack said brightly. “What are we standing around for? Let’s get back to work, everybody.”

Ianto opened his eyes and blinked. Gwen leant her head against Tosh’s shoulder. Owen crossed his arms, then uncrossed them, looking confused.

Jack’s face split into a grin. “On second thought, no, everybody take the day off. How about a boat ride on the Bay? Feel the wind through our hair? It’ll be an end-of-the-year treat for all of us. We’ll take one of the portable Rift monitors along, so that should be okay. And Myfanwy can watch over the place, won’t you, girl?”

There was an unmistakeable pterodactyl shriek from above, then a rush of air as Myfanwy swooped down low past all of them.

“No, no, don’t eat it,” Jack admonished, as she glided upwards to examine the sprig of mistletoe. “It’s not for eating, it’s for kissing. Here, come down here and I’ll show you.”

Myfanwy, as always, seemed inexplicably to understand Jack’s words, or at least the intention behind his tone of voice. She swooped down again and landed on the floor beside them, settling herself with a great deal of noisy rustling of wings.

Jack stroked her long, narrow beak, then dropped a kiss atop her head crest. “See?”

Gwen shook her head at the entire spectacle. “Jack…” she said, but then couldn’t seem to come up with a suitable phrase that would complete that sentiment.

Surprisingly, it was Tosh who piped up. “All right,” she said. “Let’s do it. Let’s take a day off. I’ve got a monitor right here.” She held up the device in her hand.

“That’s the spirit!” Jack declared, delighted. “Right, just give me five minutes to arrange a boat hire, I know a guy…” He strode off towards his office, whistling under his breath.

Owen stared after him. “Sometimes I think that man is utterly out of his mind.”

The rest of them nodded. But a smile was tugging at the corner of Gwen’s mouth. “Good kisser, though. You’ve got to admit that.”

“Gwen!” Tosh protested, but then couldn’t supress a small smile of her own. “Well, and he is a very good dancer.”

Ianto smirked. “And he’s extremely good at—”

“Stop!” Owen moaned. “Don’t say anything else!”

Ianto cut a glance at Owen, raising his eyebrows innocently. “Extremely good at running Torchwood. Why, what did you think I was going to say?”

Owen stared at him for a moment, then grumbled, “Have to get my jacket, if we’re going out in this weather,” and stalked off to the autopsy room.

Gwen giggled. “I think you broke him, Ianto.”

“Nah,” Ianto said, looking after Owen with unusual fondness. “He’ll be all right.”

“Come on,” Tosh said, linking her arm through Gwen’s and walking them towards the door. “Let’s get our coats.”

Ianto gave Myfanwy another careful pat on the head, moving more cautiously in the vicinity of her sharp beak than Jack ever did. Then he glanced up above his head at Jack’s mistletoe, and smiled.

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End note: The prompt, of course, was mistletoe. :-)

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